Dirty F**kers MC, 5
Copyright © 2018
“You’re a useless piece of trash.”
“No one cares about you.”
“What you’ve got to do is spread those pretty thighs.”
“Come on now, let daddy show you how good it can be done.”
Kitty paused as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She’d been finding herself remembering her past lately, clearly as well. When she could remember word for word, that was when she hated her past the most. She liked it when there was no memory, no nasty, foul words or awfulness. There were nights she spent staring up at her ceiling, waiting for her racing heart to calm down.
“You’re home. You’re in Greater Falls. You’re not that girl anymore. You’ll never be that girl.” Closing her eyes, she tried to think about a million other things, but nothing seemed to want to stick. Running fingers through her long hair, she turned left and right, wondering if she should get it cut.
When her bedroom seemed to be clawing at her, making it impossible for her to breathe, she left it, coming face to face with something else she didn’t want to acknowledge. Chloe, one of the old club whores, was finally leaving the apartment that they shared. This had once belonged to Grace, who was now with Drake, and then there had been Suzy, who was with Pixie. One by one the women that once owned this apartment had moved on. Chloe wasn’t moving in with a Dirty Fuckers member though. She’d found herself a kinky lawyer who liked to visit the club from time to time.
One by one they had all moved on, and Kitty had moved in, taking the place of one of the women. Then of course Teri had moved in as well, and now Chloe was moving out.
“Do you have everything?” she asked, taking the large case out of Chloe’s struggling grip.
“I think so. Grace already came for Fluffy so you won’t have to worry about your clothes and shoes getting chewed.”
Fluffy was the Pomeranian terror. “I didn’t mind at all.” Kitty hated the change that was happening.
Everyone kept moving on with their life, and she felt like she was standing still, watching with no way of holding on. She and the dog hadn’t gotten along, but that was because she was terrified of them. There were many nights she thought Fluffy was plotting how to trap and eat her. Yes, it was silly, but she couldn’t help it.
“Well now you don’t have to worry, and believe me, there are much scarier things to be worrying about.”
“Like what?” Kitty asked.
“About who we’re going to replace Chloe with,” Teri said, coming out of the other bedroom.
It had been a spur-of-the-moment thing for Teri to live in the apartment. It came not long after the news of her cheating with Dane came out.
Kitty didn’t like it. She adored Lucy and felt sorry for the other woman. She also cared about Dane, but that was mixed with a feeling of loathing as well. How dare he cheat on his wife, not once but twice? Still, she and Teri were friend-ish to each other.
Teri hadn’t known the club as long as Kitty had, and to her, she wasn’t as loyal, even if she did run the diner that was so successful.
“We’ll find someone.”
“I don’t want just anyone living with us. We’re close to the Dirty Fuckers. Anyone we get will have to be vetted by them.”
Kitty kept her mouth shut. Teri wasn’t a morning person, and instead she looked at Chloe.
“I wish you didn’t have to go.”
“I know, and part of me thinks this is crazy. We’ve been dating for so long now, and it all seems crazy, but I know Richard loves me. I know it without a doubt.”
“It’s about time he actually laid claim to your ass before one of the guys at the club did. I’m happy for you, Chloe. Don’t be a stranger though.”
“I’m sure there are a lot of women at the club who are jealous,” Kitty said.
“You’re not one of them though, and that’s what counts.” Chloe wrapped her arms around her, and holding the case, she couldn’t pull away.
Touch was something that she wasn’t always comfortable with. Tapping her back, Kitty closed her eyes, and felt the panic start to rise up inside her. Some days this was worse than others, and lately she’d had a lot of bad days. She tended to make sure any physical interactions were on her terms, and avoided touch if she wasn’t the one in control.
Since her relationship with Caleb, their scenes of Dominance and submission, had ended, everything had been going bad for her. She knew why he’d ended it. She wouldn’t let him do the aftercare at the end of a scene, nor would she let him have anything more. Their relationship ended when Caleb told her no more, but really, it was all her fault.
Kitty hated to be touched unless she initiated it. The only people she trusted were those at the club.
Chloe wasn’t really one of those people.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
She felt her heart racing once again, the bile rising up, and when she was about to erupt, Chloe let her go.
“I’m sorry. I know you hate hugs and stuff, but I’m going to miss you and your pancakes.”
“She does make them good.”
Kitty didn’t have the energy to say anything more. She felt drained. Her hands shook and she gripped the handle of the case to try to steady her shattered nerves, but nothing seemed to be working.
“D-d-do you want me to take this down?”
“Yes, I’ll grab the last of my things.”
She was already heading toward the door before Chloe could finish. Instead of using the newly working elevator, she went straight for the stairs, needing the time to gather her wits about her. It was stupid of her, nearly twenty-eight years old and having panic attacks over a damn hug. She hated that.
Greater Falls was supposed to be the start of something great, something amazing, and right now she felt like she was falling down an endless hole with no way of getting out.
At the bottom of the stairs, she left the apartment building to see Richard there, trunk open, waiting.
He smiled at her. “I thought I’d have to come and pry Chloe out of the place.”
“She’s coming down. She’s just grabbing a few things.” She placed the case on the ground and stepped back, so there would be no touching.
Richard was a good man, a kind man, but she didn’t touch him.
“I didn’t think this day would come.”
“Chloe moving in with you?”
“Yes, all of it. She’s not been the easiest woman to fall in love with.”
Kitty stared at him, not really sure if she should say something or not. Chloe had been a club whore, sleeping with nearly all of the men in the club or at least some of them. She didn’t know the complete list and often ignored any spiteful gossip. The women that visited the club, the ones that wanted either a mark in a club member’s bed or a patch, she didn’t trust. She would never trust them.
She’d watched several club whores try to turn women against each other, slowly eliminating the competition, and that was not how she worked. She didn’t agree with that kind of treatment, and she never would.
“Chloe loves you. Maybe if you stopped treating her like a piece of property she’d have come along sooner,” she said.
Before Richard could say or do anything, Chloe was out of the door, a huge smile on her face. Kitty offered one of her own.
“I hope you’re very happy,” she said, aware of Richard’s gaze on her.
Rarely had she spoken a word to the man. It was hard for her to speak to men who were not part of the club. She’d tried at the diner, often finding her words tangled up in her mouth. Still, she was doing her damn best to make it all work, even if she kept freezing up and panicking.
“Don’t be a stranger, okay? You can come around, and we can talk and catch up.”
“That would be lovely,” Kitty said. She wouldn’t be going around to Chloe’s house. They were never really close, not at all.
Wow, she sounded so fucking depressed, and it upset her to even think of it. She and Chloe, they’d shared an apartment and been near one another at the club, but they were far from confidantes.
Before they’d even gotten in the car, Kitty turned away, making her way back up to the apartment where Teri was sprawled out on the sofa, remote in hand, flipping through the channels.
“Who do you think we should consider to replace her?” Teri asked.
“I don’t know. Who do you have in mind?”
“I’d have said Skylar, but we all know that’s never going to happen.”
“You sound jealous,” Kitty said, perching on the end of a chair.
Teri stared at her, her eyes going to tiny slits before looking away. “I’m not jealous. Far from it. I’m so pleased she found what she was looking for with Leo and Paul.”
“You don’t think you’re going to find love yourself?”
“Do you think I deserve it?”
“Because of Dane?”
Teri sighed. “You’re not the easiest woman to talk to, you know that? Yes, of course Dane.”
“One mistake and you don’t think you deserve love?”
“It was two mistakes, and I expected Lucy to hate my guts. Cora does. She can’t stand me.”
Kitty smiled. Cora was James’s old lady, and he was the Prez of the Dirty Fuckers MC. She liked Cora. The woman didn’t take shit from anyone.
“I don’t have anything to say to that. Everyone deserves love, I think. Well, apart from rapists, child abusers, and a select group of people that can’t be redeemed.”
“You deserve love as well, Kitty.”
She looked at Teri, seeing the real sincerity in her face. “I know I do, Teri.” She craved love more than anything in the world. To come home or to be home when her husband arrived, to hold him close, to kiss him, to not flinch as his hands surrounded her or touched her.
She wanted it so badly, but she couldn’t bring herself to commit to anything yet.
Caleb sat back in his chair, whiskey in front of him, watching as Rex guided a new club whore’s mouth up and down his cock. It was a tempting sight, quite hot as well. He loved to watch. It was one of his little vices that he hated.
He never felt the need to participate, even if his cock was hard as fucking rock, and had been since Rex had started. There was no pushing the other brother. He took his time and considered fucking a form of art, and when he watched, Caleb truly believed that.
Rex wrapped the woman’s hair around his fist, stroking out the strands so it didn’t look a mess, and when that was clear, he cupped the woman’s cheek, guiding his dick into her mouth.
“You can take more,” Rex said.
Caleb was fascinated as her bobbing head ceased and then with Rex’s hands in her hair, he began to sink his cock deeper. Caleb saw the moment he hit the gag reflex and passed it. When she held him so deep in her throat, he saw her fingers clenched into his thighs, and it really was fascinating to watch. Rex pulled her off, and she gasped, licking the head of his cock.
“Today was the day,” Sean said, taking a seat beside him, drinking his beer.
He held the whiskey glass in his hand, wondering what the fuck Sean was talking about.
“Chloe finally moved out of the apartment. You didn’t know?”
It had slipped his mind, but he didn’t say that. “I knew.”
“Oh, fuck off, Caleb. You didn’t know. It means Kitty and Teri are now looking for a new person to stay at their place.”
Caleb smiled. “And to think the place started out being Grace’s.”
“That’s women for you. Can’t seem to resist us men.”
He knocked back his whiskey, not liking the bitter taste in his mouth at the thought of Kitty being alone in that apartment. Teri was there, but he knew that woman spent most of her time at the club. She only stayed at the apartment if Lucy, Dane’s ex, made an appearance.
“Any ideas who they are going to ask back to the place?”
“I don’t know. I imagine Teri will be the one to actually do all of that. Last I checked, Kitty hated talking to many people.”
Kitty was an interesting person. To him, at least. He found her utterly fascinating. He knew part of her was broken, completely shattered into a million pieces. He’d witnessed it himself. She could gladly bend over a spanking bench, and be punished for being a naughty girl, to have the strikes of his hand and whip, to play, but that was as far as it went. She could never allow him to touch her, to hold her, to treat her with care after he’d pushed her to the brink, and not once did she allow herself the pleasure of orgasm.
For a long time, he thought she brought herself to orgasm after, or at least took care of her own pleasure.
He’d come to see it was all lies. If he ever got to see her pleasuring herself, she’d act that she had come, but he knew now it wasn’t the case. Kitty couldn’t bring herself to orgasm by her own touch.
After everything he’d put her through, the years of pleasure he’d given her at her own request, still, she denied herself release. When the Dirty Fuckers MC found her beaten and alone in an alley, she’d been but a teenager. Lost, alone, scared, and with a history of pain reflected in her eyes. In the years that had followed, he’d watched her come to trust and love them all.
Her touch, however, now that was a gift that he’d only recently come to see. If she touched you, she trusted you and didn’t expect anything to go any further. Whenever they played in the club, she’d always tell him where he could touch, and what he could do. Even though he’d been the Dom, she’d been the one in charge, as all subs are.
Unless they were playing, she never allowed him to touch her at all.
Kitty would allow him to spank her, to beat her body, but never to make it all better after. Not once had he given her any aftercare. She didn’t want any of that.
Getting to his feet, he made his way toward the bar where Daniel was standing.
“Fill her up.”
Daniel had been a prospect until they finally made him a full-fledged member. The Dirty Fuckers MC were not like any other club. They didn’t deal in illegal shit. There were no guns, drugs, or deals that went down behind closed doors. They were all fighters. Every single member here was once part of Ned Walker’s fighters. They had fought their way to the top, and each of them had their own personal demons from the time in the ring. All of them had their monsters, some of them a lot harder to share than others.
“You know you don’t have to spend all your time behind a bar,” he said.
Daniel smirked. “Until we find a new Prospect, someone has to pour the drinks.” Every now and then he noticed Daniel’s hand would shake. It was just a slight tremor, but it meant some of the alcohol tipped over the side of the glass.
“Is that for a medical reason?” he asked.
“No. Let’s just say I got into one fight too many, and I’ve got some nerve damage. It’s not often, but it’s noticeable.”
“We’re voting soon on letting in another Prospect. You should enjoy the club. Get to know people, stop sticking behind the bar.”
“I will.” Daniel glanced around him at the club whore currently between Rex’s legs.
“If you love a woman then you’ve got to be clear that this life is not what you want.”
“It’s not that. Even now it takes a little getting used to.”
“Are you a prude?” Caleb asked. “If you are, you should have stepped down from your post. This club doesn’t do neat and clean.”
Daniel laughed. “Nah, I’m no prude. I’m just not used to how easy it is for you guys to do that. I don’t think I’d want any of you seeing my dick.”
Caleb snorted. “It’s all about who we are. The club, we delve into some serious shit. We’ve got vices. I like to watch, but I don’t want to participate. It’s just who I am. Leo and Paul, they love to share. James likes to be in charge. Pixie liked to think he was the prettiest boy in the club and always made us feel like shit because of it. Find your place, Daniel, and don’t be afraid of it.”
He downed the whiskey and got up. “I need something to eat.”
Leaving the clubhouse, Caleb spotted Jerry and Randy outside, smoking.
“Why are you two out here?” he asked.
“It’s a slow night. It’s too hot to go inside,” Randy said.
“What you doing?” Jerry asked.
“Going to have a bite to eat.”
“Bring us back a burger,” Randy said. “I’m starving, but I don’t have the head to be talking to any of the town folk, or to be putting on a show.”
Caleb ignored them and made his way toward the diner. The parking lot was full, but that wasn’t a surprise to him. The diner was the best in town, had the best food, and Teri was one hell of a cook. As he entered the diner, the scent immediately made his stomach growl and his mouth water. Taking a seat at the bar, he waited for Teri to come out of the kitchen. Chloe no longer worked at the diner, but he’d seen Kitty there, in her uniform, serving people.
He was always aware of her, no matter where he went. When she entered a room, he knew about it; when she left a room, he knew.
Staring at the mirror across the bar that overlooked the entire diner, he watched her. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a looped ponytail. She looked tired, and the uniform she wore looked too big on her.
She’d lost weight.
Since moving into the apartment, she’d not been taking care of herself, and he didn’t like that. Kitty needed someone to take care of her, otherwise she’d forget.
Eating didn’t matter to her, or drinking, and the only thing he’d known for her to do was take long showers. Ones that scalded her skin as if she was trying to make herself clean. He hated those. No matter how long she took them, he could tell she never seemed to feel clean, not by a long shot.
She finished writing down an order and made her way through the crowds of people. No one touched her. Everyone present in the diner tonight were locals. They all knew the rules, and all let her have her space.
That was what made settling down easier. Greater Falls was where they’d started to put down roots, all of them, the entire club.
He watched as she saw him, and the smile on her face made his stomach clench. She placed the order through and came around to stand in front of him.
“Hello, stranger, how are you?”
“Hey, Kitty. I’m doing good. You?”
“Yeah, yeah. Erm, is there anything you’d like?”
There were a lot of things he wanted, but that was not what she wanted to know right now. He ignored the need that ached in his body, and it wasn’t for sex. He wanted simpler things, but that wouldn’t happen, not yet.
“I’ll take a coffee, black, and a burger with all the trimmings.”
“Coming right up.” She posted his order through to Teri, and then served him up a coffee.
“How is Ryan working out in the kitchen?” he asked.
Ryan was Lucy and Dane’s kid. He was taking a break from school, applying to local colleges, and in the meantime working as a cook with Teri.
“He’s doing okay. I don’t think it’s easy for him as he wants to work on Lewis’s ranch, but he needs more experience, and Lucy wants him to go to college as well,” Kitty said. “It was only supposed to be a weekend thing, but I think he likes the break now, and this keeps him occupied.”
“It also means he can see his dad without his mom being there.”
“That too. Even though Lucy has moved on, there’s still something there between her and Dane. She denies it, but you can’t have a couple of kids and not care about the man who put them there.”
He thought about Kitty swollen, heavily pregnant with his kid, and it fucking undid him. He wanted her to be pregnant, to bind her to him for all eternity.
“When do you get off?” he asked.
“A little after midnight.”
“I’ll walk you home.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to. You didn’t bring a car, did you?”
“No. I never do. I like the walk.”
“And I’d prefer it if I took you home. We may be in Greater Falls, but that doesn’t mean it’s safe.”