Bridgette stared at the ceiling unblinking, she had no idea what time it was or how long she had been staring off into space. She sighed and looked over at Luke who was sleeping peacefully, sprawled out and snoring softly. She reached over and moved his ruffled hair off his forehead, her heart felt so full and completely terrified at the same time. She sat up and flung her legs over the edge of the bed, glancing at her alarm clock which read 3:27 AM.
To say her sleep patterns had been erratic lately would be an understatement. She knew it wasn’t healthy, being pregnant and all, but she couldn’t seem to talk herself out of the stress induced insomnia that was plaguing her. She grabbed her journal and walked quietly out to the kitchen to make herself some tea and try to sort her thoughts.
She had taken to journaling lately, jotting down thoughts and fears that came to her mind. She hoped it would help her process things more coherently, as well as assist her in not taking things out on Luke. She had not expected Luke to be so excited about the unplanned pregnancy, he was already talking about names and nursery designs and looking at baby clothes. It was all too overwhelming for Bridgette to fully process yet.
She was struggling with guilt and shame. Guilt that she wasn’t excited about the pregnancy and shame that she was worried how it would impact her relationship. She had waited ten years to finally have a chance with Luke and barely six months in she was pregnant with a baby that would surely take him away from her. What if Luke didn’t want a future with her but now felt obligated? Or worse, trapped? These were the thoughts that kept her up at night with horrible heartburn and consistently on the verge of a small panic attack or full blown breakdown.
She took a deep breath and inhaled the warm and calming scents of the chamomile tea she cupped in her hands. She had her first official doctor appointment this week, she was nervous and a little excited. It hadn’t completely sank in yet that she was carrying a life inside her but she knew when she heard that heartbeat it would be reality. They had agreed they wouldn’t tell their friends and family until after the first trimester, although Harper already knew she promised to keep it a secret.
Bridgette smiled to herself as she thought about Harper, things had certainly heated up recently between her and Grant. It was cute to watch them flirt and try to keep things on the down low. She had tried to pressure Harper for info but she had been very coy about details and would simply smile and turn a bright shade of red. She was just so happy to see her friend having a good time and hoped only the best for her and Grant.
“Sweetheart?” Luke pushed Bridgette’s hair away from her face and planted a kiss on her forehead. “Baby you awake?” She groaned and rolled over, blinking as she tried to register what was happening. Luke was scooping his arms under her body as he lifted her off the couch. She moaned as she flopped her head against his shoulder.
He placed her back in bad and pulled the the covers around her, “I woke up and you weren’t in bed. Try to get some sleep baby.” He crawled into bed behind her and pulled her tightly into his chest. She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep on the couch and she had no idea what time it was. It was still dark out so she let her heavy eyelids fall closed again and relaxed into Luke’s warm embrace.
By the time Bridgette opened her eyes again morning had rolled around and the sun was peaking in through the shades. She groaned and rolled over reaching for Luke who had already gotten up. She rubbed her hands over her face and sat up slowly, the smell of breakfast was wafting into the room and she could hear Luke banging around in the kitchen. She smiled to herself briefly as a wave of nausea rolled over her. “Oh god!” She said to herself as she scrambled out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. She barely made it in time before expelling the contents of her stomach into the toilette.
She was splashing cold water on her face and leaning over the sink when Luke entered the bedroom with a tray of blueberry pancakes, coffee and fresh orange juice. The smell hit her again and she could feel her stomach about to do a flipflop. She quickly slammed the bathroom door as she doubled back over the toilette.
When she finally emerged from the bathroom Luke was sitting on the end of the bed with a helpless look on his face. He had returned the tray of food to the kitchen, realizing she was battling morning sickness. Bridgette felt terrible, she knew it wasn’t her fault but he had gone to so much trouble and it was all for nothing. “I’m so sorry,” she said as she sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. He reached out and brushed her sweaty hair off of her forehead.
“Don’t apologize baby.” He kissed her temple as he pulled her in for a warm embrace. “Is there anything I can do? Or get you?” He planted another kiss on the top of her head as his arms squeezed her tighter.
She giggled a little as she pulled his arms from around her, “Well don’t squeeze me to death unless you want round four of vomit all over you.” He threw his hands up and leaned away from her in jest. “No I’m ok, just need some water and maybe some crackers and I’ll be good. I know women deal with this all the time so I’m sure it’s nothing I can’t handle. I am however going to jump in the shower for a few minutes. What did you want to do today?”
Bridgette stood and began removing her pajamas as she spoke. Luke couldn’t help but get distracted by her now exposed breasts. The cool air had woken up her nipples and they looked as though they were begging to be kissed. She leaned down and slipped her shorts and panties over hips and down her slender legs. Luke groaned as he stood up from the bed, unable to hold back any longer.
Bridgette held out a hand to him just as he reached for her, “Easy big guy, that look is exactly how I ended up in this condition.” He smirked as he grabbed her extended hand and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. He didn’t hold back, massaging her tongue with his own as he pressed his body against hers. His cock throbbed against her bare belly as his hands reached down to cup her firm breasts. Bridgette grabbed both of his hands and broke the kiss, “As enticing as this is, I need to shower babe, I just puked my guts up.” Luke groaned and stepped back allowing her to slip out of his grasp and head into the shower. “You still didn’t tell me what you wanted to do today.” She said over the sound of the shower, “And don’t say me because that’s not an option.” She knew better than to leave that on the table or she would end up on her back all day…and knees and side and any other creative way that man could get at her.
“Fine!” He said, pretending to sound hurt. “I was thinking maybe we could go look at some nursery stuff. I was going to suggest we go to that French bistro you love but now I’m not sure with how you reacted to breakfast.” Bridgette was still hung up on hearing him say ‘nursery stuff.’ She was barely six weeks along and he already wanted to start using their free time to look at baby things? She finished up her shower and toweled off, she was just wrapping the towel around her when Luke stepped in the doorway. “I was also thinking that we could go look at rings.”
Bridgette finished brushing out her hair and reached for her face cream, “Rings? What kind of rings?” She dipped her fingers into the pot and rubbed a healthy dollop of moisturizer onto her face.
“Uh, like a ring. Engagement rings, THE ring ya know.”
Bridgette froze, slowly dropping her hands from her face as she looked at Luke in the mirror. “Engagement rings? Why?” She placed her hands on the counter as she felt the blood rush from her head leaving her dizzy.
“Because we are having a baby and I want to marry you and it’s the right thing to do.” Luke looked genuinely confused. He thought she would be ecstatic at the suggestion.
“The right thing to do?!” Bridgette pulled her towel tighter as she pushed past him to get to the closet.
“I don’t understand Bridge I thought you’d be happy. Why are you so upset?”
She hurriedly threw on a pair of shorts and tank top, she couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with him. “Because I don’t want to be an obligation Luke! I want to get married to someone who wants to marry me for me, not because I’m carrying their obligation in my uterus or because it’s the right thing to do.” She said with dramatic air quotes.
“Bridgette you know that isn’t the case! You know I don’t see you or the baby as an obligation. I told you months ago I wanted a family with you. Don’t be selfish!”
“Selfish? I’m being selfish? How Luke? Because I want a proposal that doesn’t involve an unplanned pregnancy? It’s not exactly every little girls dream to be told that marrying her because she’s knocked up is the right thing to do. So yeah, call me selfish but I never dreamed that my first serious talk about marriage and a future with someone would go this way.” Tears had filled her eyes at this point and she was fighting to keep them from running down her cheeks.
She slipped on some sandals and grabbed her purse. She didn’t even care that her hair was wet, she just needed to get out of his place. “Where are you going Bridgette?” Luke followed her through the condo as she made her way to the door.
“Look there’s a lot going on right now and I just need some space Luke. I need time to myself to think and figure some stuff out.” Before he could say a word she turned and walked out of the door.