I’ve never been a guy to look up to the sunlight as it sets, but here I am, on the rooftop of the family housing building smoking one with our president while the sunlight fades. I lean my crutches against the ledge and hop up to sit.
I was hit in the femur for the second time eight months ago, and the cast has been off for four months, but the crutches are still necessary, the doc tells me. I still walk with a slight limp, and I haven’t been able to ride m’lady since the shooting.
I’m going bat shit crazy.
I haven’t even had a decent fuck in almost a year. When I was off drinking myself to death over Lana’s murder, my cock was fucking himself to his grave. I would love to say it was my brothers who were able to stop my excessive drinking, but it wasn’t.
It was my cock.
He was raw and overworked.
I’m not an idiot.
I know I was fucking hundreds of women to try and ease Lana from my memory.
It didn’t work, and when my brothers truly needed me, I was there in the end.
Raw cock and all.
They still give me shit over leaving and being out of touch, and I wish I could care, but I don’t.
I have so many regrets when it comes to my short time with Lana and when I look back, I can’t tell if I was indeed in love with her or if I only loved her for her pussy.
Did I even have enough time with her to fall in love?
I have nothing to compare.
So yeah, I’m mentally fucked up over it all.
Do I miss her?
Do I ache with the thoughts of her?
I think so.
As I said, I have nothing to compare it to.
Braxxon coughs to get my attention, and I take the joint from his fingertips. “What’s on your mind, VP?”
“This and that.”
He doesn’t drag it out; he only changes the subject. “How do you feel about ZZ and Storm going through the adoption process?”
I shake my head with irritation as I throw the roach into the ashtray next to me on the ledge. “Honestly, it pisses me off. We don’t have this town safe, if anything, it’s only gotten worse.”
“You don’t believe we can handle it?” he asks.
I turn my attention back to the setting sun “No.”
Braxxon makes a sound of disgust while he digs his smokes from his cut. “Explain.”
I rip my gaze away from the sun, jump down from the ledge, and wince when the pressure zings up my leg. “Brax, brother, we can’t even permit the women to leave on their own. They’re obligated to have an escort at all times; it’s no way to live.”
“You know how I wanted to get away from guns and most of the drug trade?” he replies.
I take the smoke he offers, put it to my lips and light it. “Yeah.”
He inhales and exhales. “Arizona called.”
“I asked them for some temporary members.”
I lean against the concrete wall to relieve the pressure on my leg. “Arizona is going to send us some permanent members if we don’t give away the gun and drug trade. You gotta remember, our business is their business as well.”
“What you’re sayin’ is you’re gonna pull all the stops to get the trades goin’ again?”
Brax stubs out his butt, turns to me, lifts his shades and nods. “This is who we are. I admit. I fucked up and let Winter get to me with what she wants,” he says with a shake of his head, “she’s my wife, she has jack shit to do with this MC. I’ve already talked to her. The money she has put into Breakneck, she’ll get back in increments.”
“She isn’t happy?” I chuckle.
The glare he sends me speaks volumes.
“Who’s the transfers?”
“Krew Condon, Fox League, Seneca Cayson.”
I cough with a laugh. “You’re fuckin’ jokin’ me?”
He drops his shades back to his eyes. “No.”
“Fuck. They’re sendin’ us some of their best brothers.”
Braxxon turns towards the setting sun, places his hands on the ledge and grips hard. “Arizona is a slow chapter. You know this.”
“You’re not tellin’ me something,” I state.
“I’m not,” he agrees.
“What is it?”
“Somethin’ for another time.”
“Alright then, so what’s goin’ on with the adoption process for ZZ?” I ask to change topics.
Braxxon drops his head with a shake and white knuckles the ledge. “It’s happenin’.”
“Do they know when?”
“Next couple of weeks.”
“Who in their right mind would let one us adopt a child?” I question with disbelief.
“It’s a private adoption. A fifteen-year-old girl who isn’t ready to be a mom.”
“Baby Lana and now a new baby. That’s the hurry then.” I nod.
He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, so I know whatever he is about to tell me is going to irritate the shit out of me.
I wait for a beat and motion with my head for him to go on.
“The Red Ladies are coming in to help. You’re on watch duty with Salt for the next two days.”
I bend over with a grunt to snatch up my crutches. “At least it’s Salt, she’s mellow and not as fuckin’ crazy as Lucy.”
Braxxon chuckles. “I best get back to Winter and Lana. She’s cuttin’ teeth. Drivin’ Winter mad.”
I smirk as I crutch my way over to the rooftop door. “Better go in before me. I’m slow as fuck on these things.”